And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
