bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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