i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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