well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
