you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
how drunk are you?
Several
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
