i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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