I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
