not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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