I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
