for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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