Don't you send me to vm
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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