I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
