Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
