Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
