are you so shy because you have an std?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
