My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
