Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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