I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
