mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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