go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
