Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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