if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
