anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
