I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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