the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
