I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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