She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize