I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if you like me you must not know who I am
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
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