I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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