Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
