Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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