Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
