he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
