Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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