The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
