wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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