omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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