Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
