someone owes me an orgasm
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
