i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
