Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
