I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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