you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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