Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
