i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
