You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
