found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
