I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
