Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
