So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
