i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
