Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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