I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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