he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
