If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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