we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
