You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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