Yo dont text me then not text me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
