awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize