One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
