so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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