I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
