i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
