So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She even gives head with a lisp.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
