so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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