the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You have to summon your inner elephant
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
