After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
they're like a gay fantastic four
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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