i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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