you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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