I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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