Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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