you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
