Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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