Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
