Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
