I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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