Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
