She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
