The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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