Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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