im having a threesome with these popsicles
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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